DVD Review - Diamond Dogs

Diamond Dogs
Available 04/29/08

The Story
In debt to the Mongolian mob, maverick ex-Army officer Xander Ronson (Dolph Lundgren) reluctantly agrees to guide a team of American fortune hunters on a quest to find the legendary Tangka tapestry in this martial arts action thriller. Obstacles natural and supernatural stand in the team's way -- from a competing gang of Russian mercenaries to an ancient curse rumored to protect the relic. - Netflix


The Deal
DVD comes nicely equipped with a digital copy of the film. This is a really great feature for you Ipod people, who love to watch a movie on a 2 inch screen. Other than that, there is a making of featurette. No big deal here…

The Bottom Line
Ever since Rocky IV, Dolph Lundgren has been in movies. Bad movies. Don’t get me wrong, I love bad movies. The acting here reminded me of the acting in a porno. The lines were either done over the top or under the breath.

I will give it this; the martial art sequences are very well done. I think there was more than one actual nose broken in the making of this film. The story was supposed to be enjoyable to those who would like Tomb Raider or National Treasure, but Dolph is no Angelina or Nick.

I have to say PASS on this straight to DVD feature. Unless you are inviting some buddies over to drink some beers, with something on in the background- then rent it. It will be on Sci Fi or Showtime late one night, enjoy it them after some drinks.



Best Quote

“That is my American friend over there.”

DVD review: The Mist

The Mist
(2007)

The Story

After a brutal thunderstorm pounds a small town, the residents discover a malevolent mist hangs over their homes, killing anyone who remains outside. Trapped in a grocery store, a band of survivors must make a stand against the deadly fog. Based on a story by horror maestro Stephen King and directed by multiple Oscar nominee Frank Darabont, this spine chiller stars Thomas Jane, Marcia Gay Harden and Andre Braugher. – Netflix

The Deal

This movie was written very closely to the book, which is rare in modern cinema. Usually they shorten for time, or create elements for merchandising (Jurassic Park). However, the last fifteen minutes of the movie gives us an ending that is completely different from the King’s book.

Lots of extras on this DVD. We get a few commentaries, a good bit of deleted scenes, and trailers for other movies. I wish it had an alternate ending, but then it would have been perfect…

The Bottom Line

This is a tough choice for PASS or RENT. I will go with RENT. The movie is excellent. You get the typical clique of folks in the store, which seams to happen during disasters. The religious fanatics, the angry racial group, the cool headed townies, and the evil military personnel are all represented in force. Great special effects, good monsters (very Cthulhu looking), and great acting. The ending just screwed the whole thing up.

Semi Spoiler Alert*
In the story, you never know what becomes of the “hero(es)”. You just know that they left their story behind and it was found. In the movie, they give us a “bullet to the brain” ending that seems rushed. Like the said, “Well we got five minutes to end this thing, let’s just have them give up”.

It would be the same feeling if the Rebel Alliance just went ahead and set their ships on fire in the 3rd movie, because there was a shield around the Death Star.


Best Quote

“The question on my mind is; what was that tentacle attached to?”

DVD review: I Know Who Killed Me

I Know Who Killed Me

The Story

When Aubrey Fleming (Lindsay Lohan) is kidnapped and tortured by a serial killer, she manages to escape with her life -- but minus a limb and convinced that's she's not Aubrey but rather Dakota, her double. While those close to her suspect she's suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder, the would-be victim is sure she's still in danger and races to save Aubrey's life and her own in this thriller co-starring Julia Ormand and Neal McDonough. - Netflix


The Deal

Not only is Dakota her double, but she is a stripper. In fact this is commonly known as “The Lindsay Lohan Stripper Movie”. I like to think of it as the “Parent Trap 2008”. If you see the movie, you will know what I mean…

As for DVD features, it has an extended 'dance' scene, and alternate ending, and an alternate opening. Not enough to save it, however.




The Bottom Line

This movie is a PASS. Let me go ahead and answer the questions on all guys’ minds. She does not get naked. She also has this slow stripper dance which kills the ‘pace’ of the movie. In fact:
- She takes the ‘exotic’ out of exotic dancer.
- She looks like the kind of stripper that would have bruises all over her.
- She is the kind of stripper you would throw loose change at.
- She would do better to dance at children’s birthday parties as a clown.
- The club DJ announces her as “Bathroom Break”.





Best Quote

“I know who killed me!” – Dakota Moss (oh yes, they had her say it)